miss him

"tahun depan kita bakar bakaran lagi yuk" 

"yah kak insyaAllah...-_- hehe abisnya aku banyak banget tugas sekarang :("

"hahhaha yaudah intinya pas kamu kesini aja;)"

"ok deh janjji! :D "

"ku tunggu janji mu :p"

"-__-"

my last conversation with him. My brother who always made me forget all my problems, taught me how to be brave, how to love someone.... and always help people whenever they need it. And now, he's gone for good.

I still remember my word, about I have found another my brother and now, he's become my boyfriend. But.... he's change. And I must accept the fact anyway. He's become, well his behavior is like he doesn't care with me anymore.

I miss him, my brother. Every time I felt lonely he always text me with some his wise sentence. Sometime I laugh because of it. And joking around. He always come every time. Not only when I felt lonely. Every time. In every moment. And make another beautiful moment with him. Well, I must admit that every time he near me, everything become a fairy tale story. Everything seem unreal for me. 

I really miss him, miss him in every point. 

diary II

everything seems different, everything becomes so blue for me. Right now I'm here, but my mind nowhere

I still remember my past, where's my parents still happy. And the most important is, not broken. They're still loved each other. But now ? I don't know. And my friend, Idk what was she thinking but honestly, it's her fault. Why she turned off the phone? and now she mad at me. With reason she had wait for me.

Now, I realize. Everything has change. And must change. Or life will be flat. But guess what? if the effected from change turn out to be something better it's ok! but it turn out to be... painful. I realize I'm still a teenager who will grow up and become an adult. So is it a sin if I came to their problem? is it will be a sin if I help them?

Right now I'm 16. In mean time I must ready to face it all the future. The adult's life which sound so crazy, free and nuts! (what's the different from it anyway?-_-) anyway I just want to you guys that don't blame everyone about their behavior. Because they are they, you are you, me is me, he is he, she is she and so be it!

Right now, I saw many people said you've changed so much. And I was just like, if they weren't change, it would be disaster. Because why? if you're not getting taller, getting old, getting smart, getting stupid, clever, and all the others, what will you be? people must tasted what if it like to be him, her, parents etc.

Scared if someone would mad at you? it's life! people do something bad and good is already a habit for human. Allah made us to be prefect. if you had - then you must be have +. Even your physic is not complete, but I bet you will be the winner!

Like me, I must changed. Change to something good and leave the bad. I planned on wearing veil when I'm married, or Allah gives me clue. And be someone who have good behavior. Someone who can be trust with everyone near me. amin :)

The point is, people's mind are different. And if one of your friend change, don't blame them. Accept their personality if they changed to be someone nice, if the bad one....well you must tell them;) tell them that they're change but in the wrong way. Try it;)  sorry for the long and random chit-chat!;)

All my dreams, hopes, wishes.

hollaaa :) welcome to my diary with smell about my dream, hope, and wish that I have on my mind right now.

Well, how can I put it in, when he asks me what am I had been thinking when ngablu comes, I only thinks he hugs me very tight while saying "I don't wanna loose you". That sweet kind of romance won't come to me anyway so I only dreaming about it. I know dreaming is great~ nice~ and somehow can make me happy. But again, when that dream day's over, must back to the reality well I got so much heart mini attack and realize, I'm still in here. Sitting alone in the middle of my room. I look around me and no one there. I wish he will next to me right now. 

Again, wish comes. After dreaming well I will make a wish to Allah. Usually I pray to Allah about our relationship, about my destiny and for my parents of course. But with honest, I really wishing for my destiny with all of my heart. I really hope that he will be mine. My husband, my everything. 

My dreams, I wanna be the best secretaries in Indonesia. just in Indonesia because, I feel awkward If I said the best in the world. Everyone can do something like become the best in the world because we have our own skill and weakness. But I'm afraid without trying first. Sorry, it's already my habit anyway. 

I have my skill and my weakness. So if you read my list of my dreams....well better you ready for reading like a doctor ;p because why? I have so many dreams, and they are secret;)

save it! write it down but don't let people know what are you up to. Because when they saw it, they will say "you can't do this" but the fact is "you can". 

Like me :) without everyone knows, I have a thousand dreams that I wish it will happen in the short time from now on :) Allah bless you always! :D

Diary

I guess my grandma's hobby is flow down on my blood like writing something with emotion, when I upset I will write down what I feel. well I don't really sure but Blogging is one of my favorite things to do since in elementary school.

so today, I think it's really not to important but I wanna to let it go all the problems, words and thought in my life through this.

I know I'm a selfish girl, and a spoiled girl. But don't ever think I had so much attention from my family. well guess what? My friends are the best thing I've ever had. why? If they're not here in my life, I would feel this world is really flat.

but now? My boyfriend always busy :'( and again I feel lonely:') and he's always saying a sweet words but I don't know if it a really from his heart or just saying to make me feel happy. Really I always pray that Allah will give him so many luck :) but what? he can't taste what it feels like to be free? naughty? and give so much attention to his girlfriend?

I'm not mad, but I only feel sick. Sick and tired hearing all this kind of things. Always says "sorry I'm busy" with a sad emoticon. I know you're always busy but can't you be honest with your parents that you're tired and want to have a great times with friends? well I knew the answer, and simple. "My parents are different from yours"

ok I admit it's true. But again, why he didn't try a single idea from me? I know I'm such a bad girl, always hang out no matter it's rainy or hot. But sometimes we must try first and then if we knew the answer well it'd something awesome :D but again, you will comeback to that sentences again :)

I'm tired and really, I always fell asleep whenever wait your text or call. honestly, I'm tired. and I want to ride on my motorcycle and go to no where. And seeing something new and awesome :)

just for your information, I wrote this things up while crying. I can't hold up this tears. it's painful :')
And again.

Hoping is the only way but seeing the fact, I don't really know what am I must do right now :) forgiving you is  the only way, be patient with your behave is already my habit. But seeing you ignoring me? I (don't know).

happy anniversary for me and you Reza:) many love for you and today I was so happy until I can't say anyword :3

Haru haru (bigbang)+Rainy Mood

have you try to listen one of this song? you must listen to haru haru by bigbang! it's one of my favorite song:') Sorry but I just want to share it to you guys;)

This song have a nice instrumental. Especially in the piano's part. I bet you will fall in love in the first sight when you hear the piano vers. But also it's a great song. Bigbang sang it with emotion and that's why this song looks so great and nice! and it will spoiled your ears. I know almost all of you guys would think korean again and it's boring.

This song is different. Not like the others this song has something that makes your heart warm. Trust me, if you know this song, you will love it. And plus if you opened the youtube don't forget to listen this instrumental with rainy mood. And you will feel like you're in sad movie but it's about someone who you miss. I will give you the link;) make sure to hear it!! <3 p="p">this for the Haru haru -bigbang (Piano vers.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEl6kXVZSn4
This for the rainy mood
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYw7eJYadco

first, pause both of them when you want to hear it. Then try to play both of them together in one time. I bet you will love it;) sorry is not my idea anyway and I got this from a comment don't know from who but when I try it well, it works;) give it to someone you love!

Allah bless you;)

Screw up!

sometimes being alone is something that I love the most but getting some attention from people is one of my favorite things! well holla at me! I'm the most annoying girl on earth. I admit it anyway.

People always getting me on the wrong way. I mean, if I closed to someone, they will think ok that girl has deep relationship with that guy. But what? you don't know a thing about me but screw you.

And I lost in battle called bacot in the real life. why? I can't say a word if I really mad. But when it has settle down, I will think and have so many words that I should scream out loud to it. I guess I really dumb. as a person. I wish people understand my feeling. And not only see me then judge me. Again, see me and judge me. Well for you who judge me but only know me from outside of me :
first, don't ever think you're the greatest human in the whole world. There's a God or Allah if you're muslim.
the second one, oh please don't make any bad rumor about me. Ask me first why then you may allow to talk about me as you want. but don't be too spicy.
I think it's enough. I just want to scream. mad but I don't know to whom I should do:\

Any way today was... I don't know how to say it anyway-_-"