Dunia Luar

sejak kecil gue emang banyak masalah sama sekolah. Tapi tidak sestres yang terjadi sekarang.

There's so many teachers who have two face. I really shocked and I admit I'm wrong. Why I must hug him and I regret everything that happened on September.

I regret it. But it is not all my fault. She, my ex teacher were let me hug him. Not mad at me and not trying to give us an order to move our sit. So think with logic, I'm still teen and she was already an adult.

and back to the subject,

guess I really a dumb girl who want to do the right thing for her. The way I think is really...call me stupid.

Outside world is really annoying. There's so many people wearing masks. and crap I enter the trap. I believe her. But she makes me hurt. She talked about me to her friends and one school now what I've done. Chitchat gossip are forbidden in Islam
but boom she break the rules. well I've read one about this. And I've tried not talk about people and again this behaviour already stuck on my mind.

I must not easly give someone a trust From now on, I must grow up with myself. Handle everything with all I have. And believe to Allah that Allah will always bless me, protect me, and makes me happy whenever I felt down:) thanks Allah for everything:)

Random Feelings (Part 1)

I don't know why but this day, I really love seeing or hearing my phone vibrating or something sign there's a text message come :3 but of course I'm very happy when I saw the text was from my bf :')

but... as the time goes by, I really felt we more farther than usual. I mean, there is so many wall between us. We can't text-ing each other often, otp and... meeting each other. I hate waiting a message, and yeah speak the truth I HATE if you're not replay my text. yap I hate it so much. I don't why esp. when I've sent you more than twice.

When I'm gonna check my phone, I wish there will be a text from you but? krik krik-_- there's no text :) only pain I got when I saw it. And I don't like when you asked "why" even though you already know the answer.

I know you're not a sensitive person but can you be that kind of person without I'm wishing it? I guess no :) This emoticon, not represent my true feeling. My true feeling is ":(" or may be worst like ":'(" why? I'm not  kind of person who like to make other people think "is she alright?" so I always wearing this mask. Even though he always knew that I'm not alright at all.

Am I have to suffer waiting his message? I don't know but when he sent me one message it makes me happy somehow. I miss him more than words ;') but is he miss me?

Now, right now I think he's busy. I feel like a young little girl who wants candy but his father still works and the lil' kid must save her own feeling. When her mother ask "whats wrong dear?" the girl answer " Nothing is wrong mom :)".

Again, said "ok" but wearing a mask. I really want to take off this mask and be my self! I want to be more honest with my self but it difficult :'

I don't know what should I wrote again. I don't want make any fight for me and him. I just wanna have a good nice relationship.

My wish for this week, Allah, please look after him :') because I'm still his "girlfriend" not his "wife" :) make his parents let him go wherever he wants. Let his parents know that he just a boy who wants to taste what is world is. Amin :)