miss him

"tahun depan kita bakar bakaran lagi yuk" 

"yah kak insyaAllah...-_- hehe abisnya aku banyak banget tugas sekarang :("

"hahhaha yaudah intinya pas kamu kesini aja;)"

"ok deh janjji! :D "

"ku tunggu janji mu :p"

"-__-"

my last conversation with him. My brother who always made me forget all my problems, taught me how to be brave, how to love someone.... and always help people whenever they need it. And now, he's gone for good.

I still remember my word, about I have found another my brother and now, he's become my boyfriend. But.... he's change. And I must accept the fact anyway. He's become, well his behavior is like he doesn't care with me anymore.

I miss him, my brother. Every time I felt lonely he always text me with some his wise sentence. Sometime I laugh because of it. And joking around. He always come every time. Not only when I felt lonely. Every time. In every moment. And make another beautiful moment with him. Well, I must admit that every time he near me, everything become a fairy tale story. Everything seem unreal for me. 

I really miss him, miss him in every point. 

diary II

everything seems different, everything becomes so blue for me. Right now I'm here, but my mind nowhere

I still remember my past, where's my parents still happy. And the most important is, not broken. They're still loved each other. But now ? I don't know. And my friend, Idk what was she thinking but honestly, it's her fault. Why she turned off the phone? and now she mad at me. With reason she had wait for me.

Now, I realize. Everything has change. And must change. Or life will be flat. But guess what? if the effected from change turn out to be something better it's ok! but it turn out to be... painful. I realize I'm still a teenager who will grow up and become an adult. So is it a sin if I came to their problem? is it will be a sin if I help them?

Right now I'm 16. In mean time I must ready to face it all the future. The adult's life which sound so crazy, free and nuts! (what's the different from it anyway?-_-) anyway I just want to you guys that don't blame everyone about their behavior. Because they are they, you are you, me is me, he is he, she is she and so be it!

Right now, I saw many people said you've changed so much. And I was just like, if they weren't change, it would be disaster. Because why? if you're not getting taller, getting old, getting smart, getting stupid, clever, and all the others, what will you be? people must tasted what if it like to be him, her, parents etc.

Scared if someone would mad at you? it's life! people do something bad and good is already a habit for human. Allah made us to be prefect. if you had - then you must be have +. Even your physic is not complete, but I bet you will be the winner!

Like me, I must changed. Change to something good and leave the bad. I planned on wearing veil when I'm married, or Allah gives me clue. And be someone who have good behavior. Someone who can be trust with everyone near me. amin :)

The point is, people's mind are different. And if one of your friend change, don't blame them. Accept their personality if they changed to be someone nice, if the bad one....well you must tell them;) tell them that they're change but in the wrong way. Try it;)  sorry for the long and random chit-chat!;)

All my dreams, hopes, wishes.

hollaaa :) welcome to my diary with smell about my dream, hope, and wish that I have on my mind right now.

Well, how can I put it in, when he asks me what am I had been thinking when ngablu comes, I only thinks he hugs me very tight while saying "I don't wanna loose you". That sweet kind of romance won't come to me anyway so I only dreaming about it. I know dreaming is great~ nice~ and somehow can make me happy. But again, when that dream day's over, must back to the reality well I got so much heart mini attack and realize, I'm still in here. Sitting alone in the middle of my room. I look around me and no one there. I wish he will next to me right now. 

Again, wish comes. After dreaming well I will make a wish to Allah. Usually I pray to Allah about our relationship, about my destiny and for my parents of course. But with honest, I really wishing for my destiny with all of my heart. I really hope that he will be mine. My husband, my everything. 

My dreams, I wanna be the best secretaries in Indonesia. just in Indonesia because, I feel awkward If I said the best in the world. Everyone can do something like become the best in the world because we have our own skill and weakness. But I'm afraid without trying first. Sorry, it's already my habit anyway. 

I have my skill and my weakness. So if you read my list of my dreams....well better you ready for reading like a doctor ;p because why? I have so many dreams, and they are secret;)

save it! write it down but don't let people know what are you up to. Because when they saw it, they will say "you can't do this" but the fact is "you can". 

Like me :) without everyone knows, I have a thousand dreams that I wish it will happen in the short time from now on :) Allah bless you always! :D